HAC II v Quintin II, Merit Table Match on Saturday 16th January 2010 KO 14:00
| Name | position this week |
| Lee Creaser | 1 |
| Rob Wixey | 2 |
| Christopher Higgins | 3 |
| Jono Akpern | 5 |
| Andy Teague | 6 |
| Rob Gollan | 7 |
| Todd | 8 |
| Joshua Topman | 9 |
| Sam Shutt | 10 # |
| Christian Miller | 11 |
| Pete Newton | 12 |
| Ben Robinson | 13 |
| Nick Akers | 14 |
| Paddy Riseborough | 15 |
| Rob Hines | 18 |
| Adrian Martin | sub |
| Tim Doherty | sub |
| Alex Soignon | sub |
| Nigel Smith | sub |
# On-field and passable captain
Saturday approached....Rear Gunner 'Vines' was having a medical on his rear guns, need I say more....... Ex Chairman Mao 'Adcock' could not be persuaded out of retirement.....we had no Hooker or anybody who would step upto the plate! All was lost! Uncontested scrums! The shame of it!....
.....But the sun shines on the righteous...and I is a good, righteous catholic boy......so Robbo texts me that he has a Fijian squaddie who has hooked in the World Cup and stuff...we was saved!!!....
......At 09:30 hours on Saturday morning, aforementioned Fijian drops out of team ( Robbo tells me he is now on peeling spuds duty outside his tent on Salisbury Plain..that'll learn him....the Fijian Jessie!!! )...
So we arrive at Civil Service at 1pm prompt....squaddies are there...no Kiwis, as expected....Higgins won't hook, as he's a big wendy....Wixey of The Mumbles steps up to the mark...! A fine Welshman....the only one in the known world of Christendom..Amen...we are saved...!
Kick -off ensues...HAC have 6 subs...we have 3....not quite as planned...but it could be worse, Talentfree could be on the pitch...unfortunately, he was, as Creaser was late....
...However, at the KO, Talentfree catches the high-ball cleanly and sets it up for Gollan....a good omen, says General Munro....as always, he was wrong! We were a try down in 5 minutes...
...but Creaser now arrived....Talentfree made the magnanimous sacrifice and left the field to be replaced by South West London's finest bus driving and plumbing loose head prop, Creaser...
..things were looking up...for about 70 seconds..then the second try occurred...
I may be being unduly pessimistic..but we were playing well...especially Wixey, Teaguey, Todd, Jono and Higgins...but we couldn't stop the tries....and worse was to come...
...Teaguey went down with a suspected bruised tit ( in his words, a cracked rib....but I've seen these sorts of injuries before..and its always the breast ! )...
...so Talentfree is back on the pitch...what a bummer!....we rejigged the scrum..Talentfree to tight head...Higgins to second row or somewhere or something...etc...
It was a severe blow to lose Mr Teague...who I later learnt is an estate agent..so there was some justice in his injury...but still a shame, as he was playing a blinder....
....as it was to lose Paddy, who's groin gave way to the inevitable....( Editor's note: groin often gives out after the birth of the first child....take note General Munro, RoboGuyver and Judge Pickles Rushton ! )...
..Adrian took over at full-back...
Half-time arrived....we had played hard and well...some great attacks...but we needed to get to ground and reset and not be too adventurious....score was approximately 35-0....
Second half started...much better....Hines continued to take great ball off the top at the lineout...Josh and Sammy started to get some more clean ball at the scrums....but we were still struggling to get near their line...
..then mid way through the half....Sam Shutt, the fastest man in the team, got the ball in space 20metres into our half and launched himself towards their try-line...with Talentfree and others in support but not that close...the supporters gave up at their 10metre line....Shutt, the overrated Kiwi ponce gave up soon after..and was promptly dumped just outside their 22... a fine chance squandered by the Kiwi Scum!
But we had gained confidence from this.....and Robbo took it on himself to be greedy, in the absence of the more handsome Adcock twin,....and promptly scored on the right...sithing through them like butter...
....we pushed still further, but the game ended without any further score.
We had lost, mainly due to the disloyalty of Vines and the less handsome Adcock....and the lack of tries from Robbo, Pete and Paddy....but in the second half, we only let in 4 tries versus the 7 we had conceded in the first....improving, thats always a sign of a team on the up, who can get better towards the end....says General Munro, but he is not known for his command of philosophy or numbers ( mathematics to the rest of us )..so may be best to ignore his missives!
In the end, it was the Kiwi Scum's fault as he was Captain....how the overrated and mighty have fallen!!!
final score: HAC II 55 - Quintin II 5 try scorers: Robbo
conversions: n/a
Moral of the week: Vinesy - beware tales of Fijian Hookers.....they don't exist...no matter how much you want them and how much money you hav ein your pocket !
man of the match : Teaguey - fantastic attack and defence, until his minor injury caused his demise..
honourable mention : Wixey - stepped up to hook.....marvellous effort...sadly, he's still downing his drink in one, now, and its Tuesday!
Todd - brilliant tackling.... some good runs
girl of the match : Robbo - not enough tries...by a long way, my boy!!
dishonourable mention : Shakes - one word: cowardice...in the face of the onslaught, again !
Jono - need I say more..he's a Kiwi...and its Woooallllaannnlomucccullenbactttyyieeeooo Day in 2 weeks !