# On-field and outstanding captain 

 * Broken  in active service on the field of play 

** Broken in warm-up!

Oh...what a marvellous bunch of b*st*rds !! 

Chaos...bloody chaos!  At 9:30am...I had saved the financial world again....had my hair cut.....calmed the nerves of mini-Me....but still had to find a front row...not containing Talentfree!!

Chris Higgins wasn't answering his phone....Saturday morning jigger jigger was obviously occurring.....eventually got hold of him at 10:50...drove round to his house, his Aussie missus made me a tea..note they both looked a bit post coital...he gathered his kit...still didn't want to prop, the nonce!! He was still demanding to be taken to Twickers...I said we are not going until we have played for Quintin first!!! 

We arrived at Civil Service at 11:15....Mini-Me was in a panic...."Tim, can you sort out the team and let me worry about on field (and adjusting my coiffured peroxide blond locks!!)?".....then calmness descended, Stuart Howe arrived....we were saved! Well not quite, he was not our saviour but held a telegram in his hand "Dyke was on his way..but had no kit!!"....the Purple Messiah was coming!

We warmed up as normal....Freddy taking the lead in the line-outs....Sammy marshalling his backs..Stuart Howe broke himself.....all looked well ! At this point, we were still holding out on the bluff of possible uncontested scrums...but we soldiered on with Talentfree, Damo and McIan in the frontrow....

All was set for the kick-off....Aussie Russell had picked up some bad tricks from Angry Russell and had got lost and ended up at Chiswick RFC..luckily for us, they didn't detect his elusive running talents and allowed him to leave and return to our ground...Sepand was late...and arrived just on the kick-off...Alex H arrived after 10 minutes....Dyke arrived 20 minutes later!!

General Munro led the troops onto the field....resplendent blond locks flowing in the wind!  Terry, Rosslyn Park VII turncoat, kicked off...we were immediately into a rapid game....the first 20 minutes was at a frantic pace...but we were soon into the lead.....

.......apologies if I get the chronology wrong here...but I think Robbo scored first....then the first scrum commenced....shock of shocks....their tight-head complained about Talentfree's binding in the scrum ( therefore, admitting that he couldn't cope with the worst prop in the merit table )...Talentfree said to the Ref.."I can't bind because he's too fat!!" We lost that scrum..but were definitely not going to lose many more....

Open play continued...and Wasps could not cope.....the back five of the Quintin scrum were running wild....Sepand and Sam were unleashing Terry and Robbo....I think the next try was a marvellous effort on the wing from Lee May, who made up for his lack of speed with a good turn of pace....and scored in the corner.... 

Things were improving even more....Talentfree had the good sense to sub himself for Dyke...who went to Hooker and Damo went to loose head....

Adrian nearly scored on the other wing but for a high tackle..he was over....

At half time,  I think Damo had scored as well...and Wasps hadn't looked like scoring at all....we made some further changes....Nick on for Adrian....Terry went to 10 after Sammy got broken nose...Aussie Russell came on for Robbo...Robbo came back on after Sammy's broken nose... 

Second half looked unchanged from first half.....Lee got another cracking try...Robbo two more....Damo another....Chris Higgins was replaced by Alex H after an outstanding hour at blind side flank, he insisted he was multitalented but refused to hook...I have said it before..nonce....if he's not careful I'm going to tell his Aussie Bird that he's my gay lover!!

In the last 10 minutes, we lost a bit of our concentration and alllowed Wasps in for their one score....but by this time, they had lost all composure....their captain sent off one of their colts and replaced him....the colt left the field screaming at the captain " you're a sh*t captain and a sh*t coach!!! where's my mummy!!??" ....their tight head fattie lost his temper at will and had the obligatory fight with Alex H...and he obviously lost!!

After their try, Dyke, who was once in the first team and was once a scrum-half, decided to take the quick kick-off but fluffed it twice......stupid, stupid, fat and purple man!!! I had no choice but tell him at every opportunity during the remainder of the match that he was the Girl of the Day...his response, every time, was Damo kicked it ahead 'fruitlessly", as well !! A big word from Dyke... it was obviously an extraordinary day :

We had beaten the top of the table....runaway leaders of the pack.....easily....