Match Report for Feltham I v Quintin II (Merit Table), Saturday 18th October 2008 at 3pm
Starting line-up was something like this:
1 Dyke
2 Vines
3 Talentless
18 Shakes
5 Cockring
6 Loic Le Houarner…
7 MacDonald of the MacDonald *
8 Keenan
9 Moaning Mao
10 Sam Shutt
11 Jonah Ashbury
12 Dave Saunders
13 James Munro
14 Mike Merritt-Holmes
15 Ollie Holbourn
* Token Scotch
Substitutes: Nick Cheadle and his Manx Cat….
Bannockburn…and the Feltham Borders!
We had 19 players……for two hours on Friday…then Cooney, captain of Quintin's amateur team, decided that he needed the talent of the professional team…..Sam refused….so he took Angry and Scott Harris…
So we arrived at Feltham…..with 16 players…..so we warmed up a little….stroked the bottle of Islay malt for good luck and took to the field..
Within seconds of the kick-off, Vines is screaming "Bring on, Gordon!!! BRING ON, GORDON!!"….we told him to shut it……after 90 seconds….as we were standing behind our posts for the first time….we realised that Vines, for once, was correct…we had, indeed, started with only 14 players ie. Without a right winger…so we brought on Jonah Ashbury to fill the gap…NOTE this sad state of affairs was precipitated by Neil Webber's severe cold….and the loss of Cheadle's cat's tail….
So…we soldiered on…our usual first half ensued…..Talentless held up no resistance at the scrum…..Moaning Mao fumbled several passes from the base of the scrum and, when he was there, at the back of the ruck…..Sam, Dave and James in the centres did their best to get us moving but Feltham turned us over too often…when they did, they had a stupidly fast winger who ran round everybody to score at will….
At half-time, we expected the white knight to arrive…but it appeared that the cat's tail was beyond repair!! So we continued with the same team into the second half….Sam was now lame so went to the wing..Ollie took over at fly half…the ref asked if we wanted to go uncontested in the scrums..but we persevered…why?
Eventually….early in the second half, Dave broke through to score a try…..then things turned for a good 20 minutes…we controlled them…ran the ball up the middle and there was a long period where they didn't score….Eventually, they resumed the scoring after some valiant defence by Sam, Gordon and Loic…
Final whistle was sounded….thank god….we opened the 16 year old Single Malt….eat the shortbread and the haggis…again, Moaning Mao told me that he was unhappy with his allotted position on the field…..and that he would have been happy to play at prop..and let me scrumhalf…what a knobend!!
In summary, again we had a good second half….this time with only 15 men against a first team with 3 subs…we competed well. In short, we were better than Cooney's amateurs!
Final score: 47 - 7….
Man of the match: Dave Saunders…again…only try scorer…great straight running and defence
Honourable mention : Sam….fought through the pain of his smashed ankle…Mike played well at wing, given he's a second/back row...Gordon, our new winger
Girl of the match : Chairman Adcock…..moans wherever he plays….then can't keep up with play…..I was at scrum half more than him!
Dishonourable mention : Talentless…simply, being talentless……Cheadle for his cat…..Russell for choosing the wrong team!