Starting line-up was something like this:
1 Jonah Ashbury
2 Vines
3 Shakes
18 Scott Harris
5 Talentless Tim
6 Neil Webber *
7 Neil Webber *
8 Angry Man
9 Richard Jones
10 Lee May
11 Matt Castle
12 Dave Saunders
13 James Munro
14 Angus and Tony (Shakes and Gordon's opposite numbers)
15 Ollie Holbourn

* complex scrum calls were required to achieve this highly effective combination
Substitutes: we don't do substitutes….

The Thistleworth Thirteen!
Again, we had 20 players……for two hours on Friday…then Cooney decided that he needed professional reinforcement…so Owen was despatched..as was MacDonald of the MacDonald a little later (but Ian honourably did not arrive because he lost the keys to his abode..good man!)….…and he stole James Barr, who took the King's shilling from Dyke…..Dyke himself resisted but his man flu subsided and he had no choice but to answer the call!

Then the pitiful excuses started to roll in: Chairman Mao had a fit of moral despondency……..Constable Cheadle had to catch a few burglars over night…..Cockring twisted his knee during a lap dance on Friday evening….Judge Pickles trapped a nerve in his neck whilst bowing to the Lord Chancellor….Keenan was the only honest one…'something has come up'……I'm sure she did, you lucky bugger!

A familiar tale now progressed as we arrived in deepest…dirtiest Isleworth….we were 10 players…..and Shakes, Gordon and Talentless….so we warmed up a little…but not too much, given our age and experience!

We started well…….for once…..apart from out abysmal performance at the lineout….(.I later explained to Angry that you must jump into the chest of the front jumper without kneeing him in the face or kicking the rear jumper in the chest…)….our forwards did well, especially at the uncontested scrums!!  Bunch of poofs!!

We held them…..especially as they had a permanent 2 man overlap….as they had given us Gordon's older brother to fill in on the right wing…to be replaced by Shakes twin in the second half….They got a few tries but we did not fold….James had a couple of marvellous runs which could have easily been converted into tries if the last move had come off…Dave carved through the centre…we did get some good possession near their line in the first half but to no avail…

Second half was much the same until Neil Webber had an inspiration…he took a tap penalty almost quickly and immediately threw to Lee who scored the try…only to miss the conversion…the nonce!!!

Quick summation….., we had 10 fit players and 4 old duffers on the field of play at any one time…we were not a disgrace as a whole…Scott, Angry and Neil had worked tirelessly..Vines repelled some boarders but not enough…Gordon ripped the ball before giving it back to the final try scorer….Shakes did his bit….Matt Castle played Gridiron….James found his voice….Jones lost his piece of coal at the back of the scrum…Ollie defended his line valiantly…

Epilogue type statement: You can only play with what you've got….ask Cockring……sadly, this week, our numbers were depleted by late withdrawals….we can't afford this sort of lax attitude to the business of winning the Merit Table…buck your ideas up……if you said you were going to play, make sure that you arrive and play!!!

Final score: 47 - 5….

Man of the match: Neil Webber…he was 6 and 7….and threw the pass that lead to the try
Honourable mention : not this week!
Girl of the match : Matt Castle……American Football….come on laddy, learn the laws!
Dishonourable mention : James Barr..for going amateur before he had an opportunity to play professionally!…Owen O'Connor….for promising to take to the field with his pals but playing for Stuart! Talentless for being talentless again….