Match Report for Staines III v Quintin II (Merit Table), Saturday 4th October 2008 at 3pm

Starting line-up was something like this:
1 Chairman Moaning Mao
2 Vines
3 Talentless
18 Mike Barratt-Holmes
5 Cockring
6 Loic Le Houarner….*
7 Rory
8 Keenan
9 Howard
10 Sam Shutt
11 Matt Castle
12 James Munro
13 Richard Jones
14 Neil Webber
15 Max Cox

* Token Francais

Substitutes: Dyke, Angry, Scott Harris,Shakes

Les bleurs..blancs..rouges….and Vines
First half started well….we managed to hold Staines for the first ten minutes…..before the scrum failed…on Talentless's side (Adcock forgot to tell me that their tighthead was a fat pudding and we could have swapped sides!!! The stinking socialist chairman pig!!)….and midfield defence collapsed…some bright moments…when the backs got running and provided Matt with some space to run but no overlaps, in order to score…eventually, we got some ball in the centre of the field and Moaning Mao went over for a try….note to team: we must not allow Adcock to score again, this season!

…..Sadly,  Cockring went off at halftime…we may have to use him as an impact player….Richard's finger was hurting him, so he went off (should have been girl of the match…cos he admitted that after strapping it up, he could have returned to the field!!)

At half-time, Talentless admitted defeat in the scrum…so Dyke came on to replace the abysmal impression of a captain……Angry replaced Richard in the centres…..Scott replaced the Ring in the second row…..

In the second half, more of the same..except our scrum was stronger and, in his normal style, Dyke got caught cheating at the ruck on several occasions….Staines were better at it than him! Mike got his fingers to some lineout ball…..Russell didn't enjoy being in the backs, because nobody listens to his rants out there! Matt continued his good work….as did Neil…Howard and Sam….the backrow continued the hard work of attempting to nullify their inside backs….As the game went on…Max Cox decided he had enough after getting winded….so Talentless had to go back on (editor's note: we need to get some better subs!)….then Cox decided he could return for the last 5 minutes..how gallant of him….only for Rory to go off…and Talentless to go onto the flank….

All in all, nobody except Talentless shamed themselves…. Howard ploughed on despite his increasingly immobile back….Sam played well at 10….James persevered…Angry talked non-stop..Loic was French and an asset to the backrow….Rory managed 78 minutes (he now has pulled ligaments in his foot..and may be unavailable for a while!! Richard take note!)….Scott replaced the Ring with more mobility….Vines, Mao and Dyke held the srum well….Keenan tackled well…Neil continued his good form at wing and 15..multli-talented bugger! Coxy, as always, tackled persistently….Shakes came onto the field unlike Gordon, the old fart!

After this warm-up on the field..the real purpose of the afternoon was now enacted whilst watching Staines II..we shared French bread and other stuff…saucissons! Pate! Cider! Champagne…..oh..and Spanish wine (Talentless did not have a good day!!)

Final score: 66 - 5….
Man of the match: Matt Castle…great defence….and was at the end of most backline moves
Honourable mention : Neil for all round performance
Girl of the match : James for kicking the ball!
Dishonourable mention : Talentless…for kicking the ball and passing to his friend, Nobody!